I've always told myself that no one would ever want to read my musings, so I haven't created a blog. The truth of the matter is, I was kind of afraid I'd forget to write in the darn thing. I've always been a diary girl. I had diaries growing up. When I got pregnant with Samantha, I started a journal for her. I filled it up right before I got pregnant with Tevin 5 years later. I started one for him. I think I wrote in 10 pages of it. I misplaced it a few times, then I felt like it had been too long to just pick it up again (isn't that a silly reason not to write in it?) I suppose that somewhere along the line I became less of a diary girl and more of a chatterbox. I'm what you might call a "talker." I love to talk. I fear that I'm one of those people that no one wants to chat with on the phone because they will be stuck on the phone for hours. I'm thankful for my friends that will put up with this. Especially my online friends.
And not just because the people who will most likely be reading this are those very friends, I will add in here that I LOVE my online friends. If you'd told me 5 years ago that I would be a very active part of an online community, I would have laughed and called you crazy. In 2003, though, when we had been trying to conceieve Tevin for nearly 2 years, I went to parents.com for some help and support. When we succeeded that December, I jumped wholeheartedly into the tri boards to share the experience. I was pulled to the stay-at-home-parents board by a few of the people I really liked from the tri boards. A discussion about aquarium fish got me "hooked up" with a bunch of people who chatted on MSN instant messenger. I was lead around to various boards and have now found my homes with FTC and GAP. My family knows that "my friends" usually means "those people I talk to on the internet." Matt understands. He gets jealous occasionally that I share everything there and don't necessarily tell him all of it. But he understands that I'm a very social person. I need to have people that I can count on to be there through my ups and downs.
Today has been one of my all-time highs. After very nearly 2 years of trying to conceive our third child, I finally got a positive test this morning! I never imagined getting pregnant would be this difficult. When I got pregnant with Samantha, I was 18. I was in college and Matt and I had been dating for 3 months. We were certainly not thinking of having a child. Carelessness gave us one of our greatest gifts. We got married when I was 6 months pregnant. I had her c-section on October 7, 1999. I went on birth control when Samantha was 2 months old. We didn't want a repeat performance. When she was about 6 months old, a horrible doctor talked me in to doing the Depo Provera shot. Over 9 months, I had 3 shots. Life has never been the same since. I never got a regular cycle back and have gone through HELL since. We wanted our children 2-3 years apart, so in early 2001, we started trying. Okay, *I* started trying in early 2001. Matt got on board a bit later. When we didn't succeed the first few months, it got difficult. I went to an OB/GYN to try to figure out why I wasn't having regular cycles. He did a lot of tests that didn't tell us much. I ended up having a d&c in July of 2003. Just when I'd given up trying for the winter (I didn't want another fall baby) I got a huge surprise! 2 lines! August 20, 2004, Tevin was born VBAC. Birth stories are definitely a topic for a time when I'm not so tired.
Anyway, this pregnancy (I'm still very hesitant to say that since it doesn't feel real yet and I haven't had any confirmation) has been a long time coming. I never went back on birth control after having Tevin. We wanted to get pregnant as soon as we could. In late 2005, I started doing some more "timing" things and bought myself a saliva ovulation predictor thing. It didn't seem to work. In spring of 2006, Matt started getting anxious. The kids were getting excited, too. They were asking when we could have another baby. I wanted to tell them the answer, but I didn't know it. I had to go through my sister-in-law having a Emily in September of 2005 (I remember thinking I wanted to be pregnant before she gave birth. Failed.) Then my cousin Jacki had her second son in December of 2006. Then my cousin Annie had my Goddaughter Elita in February, my cousin Gina had Riley in May, my sister-in-law had Ryan in June, and my cousin Rachel had Alex in July. Talk about a rough summer. I was hospitalized in July with a severly low iron count. I needed another d&c and a blood transfusion. A round of Clomid resulting in two large cysts on my right ovary followed. I was just waiting for a period to start so I could go back on the Clomid. I took a test on October 20th, which should have been late enough. When that was negative, I called my OB and got a round of progesterone withdrawal prescribed. 10 days of taking that, and I still didn't get a period. So, yesterday I bought a couple pregnancy tests. I took one this morning and was FLOORED when it was positive!! I could hardly believe it! I burst into tears and brought it to Matt. I had all these cute ways of telling him all planned. They all went out the window when I looked at him with tears in my eyes and just handed over the test. I know Matt wants to tell everyone, and so do I. I'm going to try to have some restraint, though, and wait at least until I get a confirmation from the doctor. That doesn't mean I'm not going to call the doctor immediately tomorrow morning. ;)
If I'm going to be awake for the morning tomorrow, I do have to force myself to go get some Tums and go to bed. And if this is half as boring as I suspect it is, any readers need to wake themselves up and wipe the drool off their chin.
